Real You – Natasha Alexander — The Lithium Chronicles

Real You I opened my door of secrets I blindly let you swim in my feelings Never once did I think you would drown me in your own egotism I took you to my true self… a place I fear to go I trusted you I let you in But letting you in never […]

via Real You – Natasha Alexander — The Lithium Chronicles

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Stop kicking a dead horse!

Seriously………
A year later and I am still getting slammed via fb pages,WordPress blogs,individual people,private messages,ect….ect……
Most of you probably heard of me over the “Coffee incident at Tim Hortons” a year ago. Some of you were my friends prior to it happening. And many,many,many of you have became my internet sweethearts❤ and close friends I talk to or interact with on a regular or daily basis.
And I am so happy we’ve become acquaintances😍❤

But…… Yeah there’s a” But” in this, it appears that there is still a small group of decaffeinated degenerates that believe “They hold the proof to this almost never heard of kindness in our world”

And before 1 more Asshat sends me a “weenie pic” in a Timmy Ho coffee cup, accuses me of being a rotten person, please answer me this::::::
Have you seen it for yourself?
Have you witnessed cruelties from me?
And to clarify just a few more things……
Here you go:

First things first, while I appreciate your views and opinions, perhaps much could have been made clearer to you if you would have asked me yourself. Seeing as how you state that the other questionable pages were so easy to find,I am quite certain mine was even more so as it has always been public.
Shame on you. You could of asked me yourself.

I can also clarify a few questionable items for you. The “Bash Page” made about me was created by a man who lives in another country,that I have never met or even spoken to. He put my life and those of my children lives in very serious danger and encouraged many people to follow suit,which they did.

Please know that I love to write, I am well versed in how to create a compilation of words in order to help assist the reader to feel the emotions behind what is written. A strong point I learned in High School ELA.

Not one bit of what I wrote was in any way made to help the Tim Hortons franchise in popularity,after all, they don’t need a small hick from a Podunk town doing anything for them. They seem to be doing pretty well on their own if you ask me.
Nothing was manufactured at all,and you would of known this had you reached out to personal sources that know me in real life or had dealt with me regularly at the local Tim Hortons shop. Again, you did not do so.
So, that leaves me with several questions of my own for you fine detectives, And they are as follows:

I am just wondering, we’re you EVER EVER able to prove that this story was a fake? We’re you there? A employee? Maybe one of the ladies I bought coffee for?
Did you review the security footage from the store?
I did.
I watched it with a LIVE television crew standing next to me. Along with local detectives and Officers from the Sheriffs Department. Several employees witnessed this exchange as well. People that truly know me in my REAL day to day life KNOW this is true.
Disturbed?? No I am not. I did the right thing,funny….. I am STILL doing the right things,I still pay it forward every chance I get.

So again,Did you ever prove it to be fake or are you like the countless others that just follow Mr.”X” around hanging on his every word?

You DO understand that the F.B.I. and Cyber Division were actually able to PROVE that many of those circulated photos of me supposedly sharing outrageous memes were indeed FAKE??
We’re you one of the many people that called my home?,harassed my children?,and threatened to harm my infant daughter also?

Maybe you were one of the few that dumped Tim Horton garbage all over my lawn and car for 3 weeks. Maybe, just maybe,you might have been the man that called my sons school and threatened to shoot him in the head “to teach me a lesson”. Perhaps you are the reason my teenager was fired from her job.
Did you happen to create the fake GFM accounts as well??

Before you make an assumption about a person, you should ASK the person DIRECTLY what happened.
People like you are horrible & rotten and are the REAL reason ugly exists in this world.
Get the truth,stop spreading lies and rumors and gossip and hearsay!!!
You DO notice Mr.”X” no longer has that page running? Amazing what the F.B.I, The Canadian RCMP and a couple of lawyers can do.
He endangered the lives of not only me but innocent children and some people were worried about parts of my past that you don’t even know the truth on either??
Have you nothing better to do in your life?

You’ve become no better than that man and the large amount of cruel humans in this world by promoting hatred,lies,bitterness,gossip and rumors. I feel sorry for you. I really do.
If we ever bump into one another, rest assured, before I would waste a coffee by dumping it on your head,I’d rather buy you a cup,so that bitterness burns going all the way down!! Then and maybe then you MIGHT have the slightest inkling of what me and my family have gone through this past year!!

I truly hope I was able to clarify a few things for you. And I hope in the future if you have questions that you won’t hesitate to come ask me. Your more than welcome to. At anytime. Really.

You wondered WHY People went bonkers over this? I will tell you why, because day in and day out we see death,destruction,racism,hurt,killings,rapes,murder,executions,loss of loved ones, missing children that never make it home, sons and daughters that fight on foreign soil only to come home in a box, and people needed a “happy spot” a good feeling,a positive vibe, something that maybe many of them could relate to,anything but the ugly we are exposed to on a daily basis

. Because “Good” really does exists. And for a moment it erased all the ugly. That’s why people loved what I did.
That is why, for all you “Web Detectives” For one minute there was some good still left in this world and with a loud cheer people united and rallied for the beauty in it.
Best of luck in all of your endeavors..

For those of you that are still reading this and are still curious, to date I’ve now lost 193.6 pounds. Sadly my Congestive Heart Failure is still present. And just last week on Wednesday I suffered another heart attack. I will be having a pacemaker put in very soon. I still will die a lot sooner than my little baby bean deserves,but in the mean time if I can make you laugh,smile,giggle or even “wet” yourself then I know I have shared a little bit of joy throughout my day.

I have achieved so much hoffmeyer1this past year after over coming the fear of leaving my home and the dread of sending my kids out in to this somewhat heartless world we live in. I’ve learned a lot in a year and so has my family. But one thing I know for sure, is that there are so many kind,loving,caring,happy and joyful people out there. All you have to do is look for their smile and the twinkle in there eyes, and I proudly can say I am one of them❤

Cheers!!
BitterJavaMama☕

Posted in Bitterness, Coffee, Parenting, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Moods Make me eat… Or starve…..

Screenshot_2016-08-14-23-24-14_1

So…… My husband is a total child!! Stomping through the house,pouting,acting like a 2 year old who’s blankie is in the washer. Maybe it’s that time of month for him, “The man-period”!!

Whatever it is, it has triggered me to feel from famished and starving to boycotting anything “food-related” what’s up with that?
Since when did his whiny arse dictate if I eat or if I don’t?

Short of wanting to scream at him and punch him in the face while stuffing a tampon down his throat, I don’t know why I am allowing his childish behavior to set me off like a shark in a “Chum pool”.

I literally went from “today is all about good choices and healthy foods” to “Gimme that brownie and spicy generals tao’s chicken or I’ll dig your heart out with a spoon!!!!”

I dread his days off. I feel like he intentionally tries to sabotage anything I am trying to do for myself health-wise. I really cannot stand the sight of him at this moment.

I had plans to hit the gym this morning and he said “But we have all these things to catch up on around the house,I really need your help”.

So I stayed home.

What has he done? Griped,complained,moaned and groaned about everything, Then took a 3 hour nap.
That’s when I should of placed a pillow over his face and left for the gym!!!!

So instead, I went on a hunger strike all morning. By noon I caved in and ate everything in site and attempted to lure the neighbor’s dog to my grill…. Lucky for him,his owner called him back indoors.

I’ve managed to do all of the “Honey I’m to lazy to do anything that needs to be done” list.
Plus take care of 4 kids, all house hold chores,run several errands,visit with my neighbor who at 83 can probably run circles around me,make dinner and walk the dog.

Now I’m debating whether or not I should skip dinner.

This day needs to end and soon because I have a hunch my husband is going to be a guest on the next episode of “Snapped”!!

Has anyone else had their significant other or friend,child or anything cause a shift in your eating?
I can’t be the only one. Can I??

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Because it’s hard to exercise….

Screenshot_2016-08-14-23-20-20_1

Maybe later, when the baby naps, after dinner, when the kids are in bed…..
And then……

It’s tomorrow.

I wish I could be a die hard daily grind kind of person that rolls out of bed and on to a yoga mat. But I am not.

I wish I could look forward to making all my muscles burn every day… More than likely I just burn dinner.

Moral is….. I am not a cheeky 20 year old with all the energy (or flexibility) in the world. I’m older,I have a vicious habit of repeating bad food behaviors and cycles are hard to break. And ride…lol.

But everyday I wake up and tell myself I can do it. That usually comes after my first cup of liquid love.

I start out strong and resist eating that Carmel Snickers bar I found in my nightstand, I back away from any fruity,colorful cereal and launch myself in the world of bran,fiber filled,wholesome,nutritiously good for you crap…..err….. Food.

I usually ease into lunch with some low-cal energy fueled item that “claims” to be good for me along with a gallon of lemon water.
Then I say “self…. Let’s work out, let’s hit the treadmill for a while” and then I get distracted with life and responsibilities and it goes out the window.

Damn. I did it again.

Life got in the way yet again.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m on the move all day,but sometimes ADDING to my day is just exhausting.
Today may possibly be another one of those days. I know I need to step it up, but come on….. Can’t I just be blessed to wake up skinny and toned and happily ever after?

Wait…. Oh false alarm….. The kids were fighting and launched me right out of my fantasy.

Guess I’ll try again when the toddler bean takes her nap. In the meantime chocolate covered frozen pineapple chunks and a few episodes of “Roseanne” will have to do.

I’m thinking I should move the toddler bean if I have any intentions of using that treadmill. But she looks so peaceful….

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Humor in being sick + a bonus…

Humor in being sick.

10. Things that will not happen today.

1.) I will not be changing my clothes. Yes,I realize I smell. I do not care.
2.) I will not be brushing my hair. I do not care that the dog growls at me everytime I walk by.
3.) Everything I see WILL be sprayed REPEATEDLY with disinfectants, including kids and dog.
4.) Not a single solitary f@⊙k will be given.
5.) No,I don’t care what the problems in the world are, I have bigger ones.
6.) I will out-whine everyone around me.
7.) Moaning and groaning will replace “words”.
8.) Massive amounts of tissue and toilet paper will be strewn around my body like flowers on a corpse.
9.) I do not care what you eat,as long as you eat. For today, dog food is acceptable as a meal replacement.
10.) Shuffling,dragging my body and walking into walls will be considered “normal” while muttering “Jesus Christ, just let me die!!” When I have to get up to do anything.

Now for the humor ……

The #1 reason why toddler-bean will not be potty training anytime soon…..

Drumroll please………..

Me,being the jacka$$ I am, and thinking it would be funny……..

I WAITED until she walked in the bathroom with me,I went potty and proceeded to flush the toilet while I was still sitting on it and PRETENDED that I was getting sucked into it while SCREAMING for help!!!!

She ran out screaming and crying for her life and is now hiding under her toddler bed.

Apparently, It’s not as funny as I thought it would be.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Oh food I can see you…

Screenshot_2016-08-14-23-14-41_1
Food….. Food….. Food……
It’s in every magazine I see, every other commercial on T.V., It’s on my Facebook,Instagram,Snapchat,Tw
itter,e-mail and WORST of all in my cupboards and fridge!!
No secret here, I love to eat. There was a time I lived for it.
A emotional security, if you will.
In two years however, I’ve begun to loathe food.
You see,I am a emotional “closet eater”.
I’m happy…. I eat.
I’m sad,I eat.
Depressed? I’ll eat a small child after 10 p.m.
I’m like the mysterious disappearing sock in the dryer at night.
You know it was there,but when you go to check it’s gone. That’s my relationship with food.
Yeah….. That’s me.
I’ve gotten better at disguising junk food as some delicious concoction I’ve whipped up in the kitchen. Claiming ” Of course it’s good for you, I used all fresh ingredients!!”
But who am I kidding???
Some days 1 helping is to many and a 1,000 is never enough.
I feel like Dracula and I have his thirst when it comes to anything with Carmel,chocolate,deep fried,cookies,candies,sweet tasting homemade ANYTHING!!!!
Yet here I sit, typing this with a celery stick in my mouth like a old man with a corn cob pipe.
In my defense, I do not miss weighing 311 pounds. I do not miss being out of breath walking up the 4 steps to my front door.
I do not miss the stares,glares,the pointed fingers,snickers behind my back or the faces people made at me.
I don’t miss the shortness of breath,aching joints,poor circulation,or the lovely shade of magenta I used to turn.

I don’t miss those at all.

But I miss the food!

Moderation has never been my strong point.
As a matter of fact, the only thing that was moderate was the amount of acne after a 5 lb bag of Halloween candy.

So here I am reading article after article,going to link after link, page after page on how to eat healthier. How to stay within a healthy limit of calories,what is good fat versus bad fat, coconut oil or olive oil? LCHF or no cal no fat?( can that really be done?)
And I’ve come to a few simple conclusions..
Skinny isn’t a goal or life style.
Healthy is the only goal.
I need a padlock on kitchen cabinets and I need not possess the key.
Water is part of what I need to live.
Not every recipe can you use a “sugar substitute. They will taste like $hit.
It is absolutely alright to have a “Sunday Food Funday” as long as you use a small plate and do not go back for more.
Exercise is simple. I complicate it.
Progress may be slow, but it is still progress nonetheless.
It is possible to eat sugar free candy and not die.
I can still be happy even if I never see 120lbs again.
I’m a lot further now than I was when I first started.
And every day is a chance to make good decisions for my health.

Cheers Friends!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Heat Wave…

Screenshot_2016-08-14-23-00-43_1
Dear lawrd I have stunk all day. I started out taking a good hour walk this morning. A ton of errands needed to be ran,so I got them done…(What is that smell???), then I decided to cut the grass,weed my flower beds,water all my plants and flowers, move all my patio furniture and clean it (God that smell is horrible!!).Then I came indoors did 3 hours of insane cleaning, took care of dinner for the family and headed out on a 5 mile walk(Is there a DEAD animal in the area???). My two year old made the remark “Eeeeeewwww!!! As I passed her by….I am Just finally realizing that “That Smell” which reminded me of a port a potty on a 99° day on a public beach, you know that one that smells like cat pee and grizzly bear taint? ….. It’s ME. So I am going to run to the shower now……
Hopefully won’t offend the dog as I pass by…..

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment