I swear to all of you, I cannot make this stuff up.
This was my Cardio,Zumba,Weights,Core,and Meditations all in one today. I am just done.
No more adulting for me……
Ever play Twister with a toddler and dog turds??
I just did. Let me explain……Shall I continue?…..
I was sitting and relaxing when I caught whiff of an aroma….not just any aroma, THE aroma…
I scoop up the “Toddler Bean” sniff her hiney and sure enough my gag reflex kicked in. Ewwwwww!!!
So…I grab all the much needed items,A Hazmat suit, clothes pin for the nose,diaper,192 wipes,butt cream, and toddler.
All the while,The “Supposed Future Beanery Security Pups” are running and lounging around.
I put the “Toddler Bean” on the living room floor and proceeded to change her “nuclear nugget”.
Unbeknownst to me, one of the pups took a handy dandy hefty $HIT right behind me.
I thought the “Toddler bean” had $hit again, so I checked and NO. So I started getting up off the floor and put my hand down as to help myself up, and where do I plant my hand??
In the handy dandy hefty pile of hot steamy dog $hit!!!!
Which made me frantically panic, throw my hand up, ( the one supporting my weight mind you) causing me to land shoulder first into that warm pile of $hit!!
While all of this is happening, My “Toddler Bean” jumped up and grabbed her full $hitty diaper spewing it’s contents all over the floor,to which the dogs snarfed it all down with a vengeance!!!
I ran over to stop them,covered in dog $hit mind you,and “Toddler Bean” reached over and grabbed a pile of STILL warm dog $hit and ran away with it.
I’m in tears. I’m done. I quit. I do not want to adult anymore today……..